Be a Better Listener
what does it feel like to really listen to some one else? What does it feel like when some one really listens to you ?
Effective Listening
A - taking in information from other speakers, other people, or ourselves while remaining non judgmental and empathetic
B - acknowledging the talk in a way that invites the communication to continue
C - provide limiting but encouraging input the talker's response and carrying the person's idea one step forward
Acknowledgement is a basic universal human need. True listening builds teamwork and trust, it prevents defensiveness, and helps build relationships based on positive mutual interest. The talker feels more willing to share, be honest, and feel secure. A request is to listen and not provide advice.
The Word Should
Listening carefully what we say and how we say it. For example what we say to ourselves. For example the word should when you talk to yourself. In cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), the word "should" is often viewed as a cognitive trap. While it sounds like a tool for motivation, it usually functions as a source of emotional distress. When you say "I should workout," you are measuring yourself against an inflexible, idealized standard. When you inevitably fall short of that "rule," the result is guilt, shame, and self-resentment. It turns a preference into a rigid law, which actually drains the mental energy you need to perform the task. It creates a cycle of procrastination. The more you "should," the more the task feels like a burden, leading to avoidance.
Another issue is the problem isn't just the word, but how much power you give it. This is known as Fusion. You become "fused" with the thought "I should be more productive," treating it as an absolute truth rather than just a string of words passing through your mind. ACT focuses on Psychological Flexibility. "Should" is the opposite of flexibility; it is a rigid rule that ignores your current context (like being tired or overwhelmed). You lose touch with your Values. You start doing things because you feel "obligated" (avoiding pain/guilt) rather than because they are meaningful to you (moving toward a goal).
Lastly remember goals are just outcomes to process, focus on processes and living in those moments, goals are byproducts or yard markers over time where you pause and take a pulse check.
I can't is another terrible internal talk to and listening problem, which can lead to frustration, lack of confidence, negative thoughts, and not reaching your full potential.
Listening is the most important concept for being a good boss, you earn loyalty.
Do a listening check, and summarize what you think what the other person said, this will help see how well you listened. Listening practice this way can improve your efficiency in listening. Do this with someone you know well such as your spouse.
Effective listening can reduce tension, it always speakers that may need to vent and let out their frustrations